A case of Conflicting Emotions

Conflicting emotions.
Those are the worst kind aren’t they? Two words --- signifying the state of mind I detest the most. Conflicting, not cos, I'm burdened with more than a single point of view on a particular issue or subject, which I might add, based on past ambivalence and something I expect with dread, in the future, is rather torturous. As we grow wiser, it is not too uncommon to realize that not all things are as black and white as we were led to believe. In fact nothing ever quite seems to be as were led to believe. But I digress.

No, No I’m referring to a more complex set of conflicting emotions – where by expressly acknowledging, and/or tacitly supporting an emotional Issue A, would lead to a result or opinion which is detrimental to another Issue B, which is also close to one’s heart. Mutually exclusive issues, if you will. Made further complicated cos of the above mentioned moral and personal ambivalence on both Issue A and Issue B. Confused? Read on… but permit me to meander about with certain general observations before dealing with specifics of the case.

Emotions --- I’m not an emotional person. Or so I tell myself. While some conveniently, and with remarkable alacrity, spew their hatred and angst upon all, hurling their opinions, upon any given platform, I choose to observe and report and allow you to draw your own conclusions. My opinions are well-encapsulated and only few are privy to it. Now, does this imply that people are wrong to voice their opinions? Of course not. Far from it. To each his own. Or her own. But let me ask you this --- Are you giving an opinion based on what you feel or what you know?
Cos feelings are ephemeral as opposed to information. What we feel today, may or may not be what we feel tomorrow. That’s the curse of wisdom and maturity. A necessary by-product. Invariably it would only lead us to being tagged as hypocrites. Hypocrites to the world, cos we’re holding on to our statements, and it would shameful for us to now, at this point and time, reverse our opinions.
Oh sorry..I’ve been shouting from the rooftops about this, this and this but I take all that back now.

People do not look upon such retractions kindly. But more importantly, we’re being hypocrites to ourselves, cos we’re forced preach what we no longer feel or subscribe to, trying to convince ourselves that we’re not straying from the path we’d once rigidly followed. This, I feel, is a far greater sin than errors which can be attributed to youthful naiveté’. We can deceive the world, but can we deceive ourselves? And we’re compelled to continue committing this sin because the world has already slotted us into these neat categories based on our initial opinions and behavior amongst other factors such as race, gender, color of hair et cetera.

On the other hand, opinions based on information are relatively reliable, cos they appeal to the logic of our minds, but they can be equally deceiving. For as mere mortals, we are not given access to the whole truth, so to speak, only as much as we need to know to function rationally within our individual sub-systems. So then, would it be possible to supply meaningful arguments and opinions based on such partially true and known information? Would it be ethically correct if you were aware of such inadequacies in your arguments, yet continue to propagate them?

What about Books? Arts? Philosophy? Religion? Convention? Law? History? Are these not valid sources of truth and information? Yes, but are they free from bias? Or as individuals are we capable of interpreting this information without being influenced by the bias which has already been deeply ingrained into our collective sub-conscious?

Okay, so alright, why this need to discuss such abstract concepts? And in the process waste everybody’s time with such verbiage?
It would be seem that blogging is injurious to one’s health. It provides us with an accessible outlet to express feelings, emotions and arguments. Most of which under normal circumstances would be locked away behind a mask of compromises.
What triggered off this verbiage was a fairly, innocuous comment/remark made by a white, American woman, on her blog which under normal, usual circumstances I would’ve brushed away without as much as a second look. Why I reacted the way I did? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or could be the mysterious alignment of the stars while reading her blog. Whatever it was, it made me sit up and take notice of the opinion passed and a wave of emotions and arguments swept over. I could see a successive array of words and sentences forming in my head and I opened the word editor and typed without pausing and continue to type as we speak.

So let’s fill in the blanks –

ISSUE A – Women’s rights, Strong but not vocal supporter for action against Eve-teasing, molestation and domestic violence against women. Support for movements such as Project Blank Noise. My reservations and ambivalence on these causes shall not be revealed at this point

ISSUE B – Striving for the positive and appreciative outlook of India and Indians amongst leading western nations. India is so much more than just – Land of the Kamasutra, Fakirs, Snake-charmers, Yoga, Spicy food, a land where jobs are Outsourced, IT, and people with strange accents and smell. I will not get into my love-hate relationship with India/Indians at this point.

Major Issue -- Why am I genetically pre-disposed to giving a flying rat’s ass to what people in white skins think about India and Indians?

So there you have it. Are Cause A and Cause B mutually exclusive? Well at first sight it appears they are not. Right?
Few weeks ago Project Blank Noise was initiated in India. If you’re un-aware of such a project, well then just google it or stop reading. It was a major effort, galvanized by the unequivocal support of the lobby of Indian bloggers through out the world. I found several blogs and articles written by prominent and anonymous women (and men) and their harrowing stories and tales. I felt this combined, coordinated effort would be an ideal way to ruffle a few feathers and lead to corrective measures.

Yesterday, I came across a blog where this woman (who shall remain nameless), based on what she’d read on some of the more vocal Blank noise supporter blogs, made the following remarks –

“I’ve never been to India…I don’t know much about India...but it seems that these poor women cannot step into the streets without being jeered, or teased or molested...”

Obviously I’m paraphrasing and poorly at that, cos the link to her blog has inexplicably disappeared. I can assure you I couldn’t make this up even if I wanted to.

So now this woman, in her mind, as if we Indians haven’t been stereotyped enough, has this image of India, and of Indian men as being nothing more than a pack of wolves, freaks, sex-starved individuals, waiting to pounce upon the next girl who happens to pass by. Or just waiting around the corner, in the shadows, to kidnap and rape an innocent victim or bombarding her with sexually explicit dialogue.
Is this ground reality? It would seem as if a girl walking down the street without being attacked is akin to a person walking around Gaza strip without getting shot.

“Yes! Yes!” a part of me cries. This is exactly what it must be for a girl in India. The constant fear of being molested or abused, physically or verbally.

The above was an example of an opinion based on what I feel. But is it true? Would it still stand if it weren’t true? The white girl cannot be faulted, for she made statement based on information which she believed to be true. Or an exaggeration of the truth. So now we have two sets of opinions, one based on feeling, the other based on information and both certainly misleading.

And what about the conflicting emotions? My enthusiastic support for Project Blank Noise and the subsequent comments panning Indians and Indian law enforcements is there for all to see? I am responsible in my own way of creating a negative opinion of India and Indians.
And so I’m now the hypocrite. To the world and to the person facing me in the mirror. I openly criticized Indians in my comments and now when a white person does the same, I get pissed? A case of double standards.

Conflicting Emotions. I wish I could go back to being un-emotional about matters which are beyond me.

::::::: Conclusion after a long stint at the badminton courts :::::::

We all have our imperfections. We Indians have learned to live with ours, for far too long. Would we have the same patience when dealing with a foreign culture’s imperfections? We’ve shown great strength by taking such strong steps, speaking openly, rather than hiding behind a facade pretending all’s well. When it is not. India cannot be viewed as a progressive, developing nation without first addressing its in-house issues. And in the process, if we fall from grace in the eyes of foreigners, well then that’s the price we pay for the negligence of our fore-fathers.